these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
