just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
