garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
