he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
