Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
