The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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