Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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