fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
