I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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