i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
