i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
