My pussy is not your playground.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
