So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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