...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
