for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
