Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
