It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize