I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
