..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
