My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I will be naked everywhere
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
