So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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