im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
