a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
