Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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