Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
