If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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