So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
