Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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