I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Help. Why am I so naked?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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