forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize