The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
