I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
