in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
