hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
