my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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