Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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