I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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