SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
