You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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