sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
