I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My ATM looks so different sober.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize