I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
