K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
