we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
