i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i was born a porn star she said
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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