Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
