My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
