great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
That reminds me...we need to get swords
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
