If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
