how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize