just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
