sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
