just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
