My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
