So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
