Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
