yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
