I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize