you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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