accomplished twins. life is a go
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
