Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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