i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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