i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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