I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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