Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
