I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize