Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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