so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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