just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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