so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
