That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
