Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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