I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
