He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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