I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize