i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
