oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
