I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
