She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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