I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
