i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
